Is Taylor Hanson Gay?

Now I'm not sure what it is but I have this feeling deep down. It's a feeling that goes way beyond wishful thinking into the realms of intuition. I feel that Taylor Hanson, blond starlet singer god with the cute and far more fantastic than anyone deserves to be at that age pop trio Hanson, is gay. I've thought a lot about it. And the more I think about it the more I'm sure I'm right. But you can never go with feelings. So here, for the first time anywhere in history, is a full breakdown and analysis of the evidence for and against.
 

                                      .             . 
 
 

Evidence for...

1. His songs

There are a number of obvious hints in his songs but the most obvious is Wierd with the line 'when you live in a cookie-cutter world being different is a sin when you don't stand out and you don't fit in'. If anyone can provide a different interpretation of the line I would be interested to hear it. I can't imagine in what other way the boy could be different from most of society.

After our suspicion is aroused, a closer look at the other songs he sings brings the point home. The only song he sings which mentions a girl's name is Madeline. It has been well reported by Issac that the name was chosen just because it had the correct number of syllables. This is of course half right. It was chosen to fit because if Taylor had been honest it would have been the name of his boyfriend. The song Yearbook mentions a mysterious boy called Johnny. In the song, Taylor is very worried about the mysterious disappearance of this boy. At his age it's difficult to imagine caring about anyone who was just a schoolfriend.

It is my hypothesis that Taylor had a boyfriend called Johnny (short for Jonathan perhaps) and it is his name which should be the title of the song. Hence we now have 'Jonathan here we go around again, you know it, I know it, don't try to pretend, you know I love you so much better than a friend, Awoooooh, here we go round again'. The boy obviously couldn't handle his homosexuality and disappeared rather than face up to it.

I don't even need to mention the 'heavy load' he is carrying in Thinking of You

 

2. His singing

There are a couple of indications in his singing of words to give hidden messages to his legions of gay fans. The most prominent one is on Mmmbop. Just going into the first chorus he sings the words 'okay yeah' in such a way as to make them sound like 'I'm gay yeah'. Nothing could possibly convinve me that that is anything other than a call for us to hear what he is saying. He's trying to let us know, as subtly as possible, that he is gay without alerting the straight world who would never pick up on such a thing.
 
3. His songs...played backwards

If you listen to Mmmbop backwards the whole song is about Tay being gay. Try it, it's a lot of fun. You have to listen really carefully a few times to get the words but believe me they are there.
 
4. Law of averages

Right this one may take a bit of explaining but bear with me. It is obvious that the Hansons are a good Christian family. They reproduce like rabbits and bring them up to be good christian folk also. Now, that means that at least one of the Hanson parents is also from a large family. Thus, there are probably three Hanson like families stemming from the same root. Thus, I guess that there are at least ten Hanson males or males of Hanson origin on the planet. One in ten people are gay therefore one of them must surely be gay too. So, do we bother looking at any of the others or do we just add this to the list of growing evidence in our favour? The latter methinks.
 
5. His hair

I'm not saying that everyone with long hair is gay. What I am saying is, Issac would have been the first to have long hair. For most younger brothers that would have been an incentive to shave their head but for Tay it inspired him. That's because he is gay and he fancies his brother. In fact he adores his brother and wants to be so like him that he too doesn't cut his hair. When little Zac came along, he looked at the other two and thought 'ok, I have to have long hair'.

1. He says he wants a girlfriend.

Like duh! I used to say that. It's part of the act. If you sit there and say 'well I don't really want a grilfriend' then everyone says 'what, are you gay or something?' If you say 'I want one but it's hard being famous and all because they just want to screw you' then people say 'oh poor Taylor'. This does not in any way convince me that he is straight. In fact I'm convinced it's the total opposite. What we call 'The Red Herring'.
 
2. He's a Christian

Again this is very weak evidence. We now live in a world where Christian values are no longer compromised by homosexuality. Gays are accepted by a lot of  Christian churches and gay Christians no longer have to feel guilty because basically if  God does exist  then he should love all of his people and that includes gay people.
 
3. He says he isn't gay

Well, I'm not sure if he has said that or he hasn't but if he was asked out loud he almost certainly would deny it. But large is the number of times that a gay guy has denied being gay. In his position it woudl be very foolish to come out to the world. He's the cutest and most fancied of the three brothers who make a living out of the fact that millions of girls (and a few thousand gay guys) fancy them and buy the records. If, all of a sudden, they no longer have that dream that one day Taylor might fancy them and marry one of them then overnight they take their attentions elsewhere. You hear of very few gay male music acts because they rely on turning women on to sell records. It's only if that doesn't apply, usually because the fans start buying the records for the music, (George Michael, Elton John etc) that they can be who they want to be. You can always choose the bisexual route, a la Robbie Williams, which lets everyone know that you're available to them but at Tay's tender age it would be frowned upon by the record company in what continues to be a largely conservative country.

This page is only intended as a bit of fun. It's nice to think that good-looking famous people may be gay but all too often they aren't. I think I have amply illustrated the point that you can read too much into a few innocent actions. I obviously don't know whether Tay is gay or not. It's possible of course but possibility doesn't usually make things happen. Quite frankly it's none of my business whether he is or not. The chances of him being gay and being attracted to me and coming over to Singapore/England whatever to go out with me are lower than they are of winning the lottery jackpot on consecutive draws for a year. And if you happen to be Taylor Hanson and you are reading this then drop me a line telling me what you think.