Taylor Hanson Gay?
Now I'm not sure what it is but I have this feeling
deep down. It's a feeling that goes way beyond wishful thinking into the
realms of intuition. I feel that Taylor Hanson, blond starlet singer god
with the cute and far more fantastic than anyone deserves to be at that
age pop trio Hanson, is gay. I've thought a lot about it. And the more
I think about it the more I'm sure I'm right. But you can never go with
feelings. So here, for the first time anywhere in history, is a full breakdown
and analysis of the evidence for and against.
There are a number of obvious hints in his songs
but the most obvious is Wierd with the line 'when you live in
a cookie-cutter world being different is a sin when you don't stand out
and you don't fit in'. If anyone can provide a different interpretation
of the line I would be interested to hear it. I can't imagine in what other
way the boy could be different from most of society.
After our suspicion is aroused, a closer look
at the other songs he sings brings the point home. The only song he sings
which mentions a girl's name is Madeline. It has been well reported
by Issac that the name was chosen just because it had the correct number
of syllables. This is of course half right. It was chosen to fit because
if Taylor had been honest it would have been the name of his boyfriend.
The song Yearbook mentions a mysterious boy called Johnny. In the
song, Taylor is very worried about the mysterious disappearance of this
boy. At his age it's difficult to imagine caring about anyone who was just
It is my hypothesis
that Taylor had a boyfriend called Johnny (short for Jonathan perhaps)
and it is his name which should be the title of the song. Hence we now
have 'Jonathan here we go around again, you know it, I know it, don't
try to pretend, you know I love you so much better than a friend, Awoooooh,
here we go round again'. The boy obviously couldn't handle his homosexuality
and disappeared rather than face up to it.
I don't even need to mention the 'heavy load'
he is carrying in Thinking of You
There are a couple of indications in his singing
of words to give hidden messages to his legions of gay fans. The most prominent
one is on Mmmbop. Just going into the first chorus he sings the
words 'okay yeah' in such a way as to make them sound like 'I'm
gay yeah'. Nothing could possibly convinve me that that is anything
other than a call for us to hear what he is saying. He's trying to let
us know, as subtly as possible, that he is gay without alerting the straight
world who would never pick up on such a thing.
His songs...played backwards
If you listen to Mmmbop backwards the whole song
is about Tay being gay. Try it, it's a lot of fun. You have to listen really
carefully a few times to get the words but believe me they are there.
Law of averages
Right this one may take a bit of explaining but
bear with me. It is obvious that the Hansons are a good Christian family.
They reproduce like rabbits and bring them up to be good christian folk
also. Now, that means that at least one of the Hanson parents is also from
a large family. Thus, there are probably three Hanson like families stemming
from the same root. Thus, I guess that there are at least ten Hanson males
or males of Hanson origin on the planet. One in ten people are gay therefore
one of them must surely be gay too. So, do we bother looking at any of
the others or do we just add this to the list of growing evidence in our
favour? The latter methinks.
I'm not saying that everyone with long hair is
gay. What I am saying is, Issac would have been the first to have long
hair. For most younger brothers that would have been an incentive to shave
their head but for Tay it inspired him. That's because he is gay and he
fancies his brother. In fact he adores his brother and wants to be so like
him that he too doesn't cut his hair. When little Zac came along, he looked
at the other two and thought 'ok, I have to have long hair'.
After a long hard look at the evidence I can categorically
say that Tay is gay.
He says he wants a girlfriend.
Like duh! I used to say that. It's part of the
act. If you sit there and say 'well I don't really want a grilfriend' then
everyone says 'what, are you gay or something?' If you say 'I want one
but it's hard being famous and all because they just want to screw you'
then people say 'oh poor Taylor'. This does not in any way convince me
that he is straight. In fact I'm convinced it's the total opposite. What
we call 'The Red Herring'.
He's a Christian
Again this is very weak evidence. We now live
in a world where Christian values are no longer compromised by homosexuality.
Gays are accepted by a lot of Christian churches and gay Christians
no longer have to feel guilty because basically if God does exist
then he should love all of his people and that includes gay people.
He says he isn't gay
Well, I'm not sure if he has said that or he
hasn't but if he was asked out loud he almost certainly would deny it.
But large is the number of times that a gay guy has denied being gay. In
his position it woudl be very foolish to come out to the world. He's the
cutest and most fancied of the three brothers who make a living out of
the fact that millions of girls (and a few thousand gay guys) fancy them
and buy the records. If, all of a sudden, they no longer have that dream
that one day Taylor might fancy them and marry one of them then overnight
they take their attentions elsewhere. You hear of very few gay male music
acts because they rely on turning women on to sell records. It's only if
that doesn't apply, usually because the fans start buying the records for
the music, (George Michael, Elton John etc) that they can be who they want
to be. You can always choose the bisexual route, a la Robbie Williams,
which lets everyone know that you're available to them but at Tay's tender
age it would be frowned upon by the record company in what continues to
be a largely conservative country.
This page is only intended as a bit of fun. It's
nice to think that good-looking famous people may be gay but all too often
they aren't. I think I have amply illustrated the point that you can read
too much into a few innocent actions. I obviously don't know whether Tay
is gay or not. It's possible of course but possibility doesn't usually
make things happen. Quite frankly it's none of my business whether he is
or not. The chances of him being gay and being attracted to me and coming
over to Singapore/England whatever to go out with me are lower than they
are of winning the lottery jackpot on consecutive draws for a year. And
if you happen to be Taylor Hanson and you are reading this then drop me
a line telling me what you think.